It is time.

You refused to give in from the beginning even though you know it is going to turn out badly. Somehow after doing it, you know how badly it hurts and you really just want everything to go back to normal. 


I refused to give you up in the beginning so I asked and I begged, with that little hope blinking like a lighthouse in a wide dark sea. I knew it wasn't going to happen like I hoped for, but I refused to give up, I put my faith in you. But there you were, putting all of those aside, crushing everything I had in you. You then asked and you begged, just for everything to go back to normal. It is miserable living like that everyday, I don't like it either so I came up with a one last chance, I told you. 


You were hurting so badly, I feel awful for you. I hope it all stop immediately just so you would stop hurting. You heard me telling you bout the last chance that you could make it up to all of this, you told me you would do it and that it seemed to be the only choice left. 


It was then still early to catch a bus, train, flight, etc.. whatever that would bring you home to me. I refused to see that you, somehow purposely delay the time by sitting there, doing nothing. You told me you were checking the flight and trying to book it, but on the other hand, you were just sitting there. Obviously time didn't quite matter to you. But I didn't give up, deep within me, I still hoped that you'd do it for me this time. At least this time, after knowing how much it hurts, you'd do it. At that time, I trusted you again, I knew you'd make the right choice this time. You told me you're going back to pack up everything and you went. Later it was way past 2 in the morning, you were nowhere to be heard of. 


I tried to reach you, I told myself that it's too late to do anything, maybe I should tell you that you can come home in the morning, I'll wait for you. I was very worried that you were already out somewhere, chasing after whatever that would bring you home. I was so worried that I couldn't stop thinking, if whatever were to happen to you, how am I going to live with myself?


I called you in the morning once I woke up. Guess what? I just made a fool out of myself the whole night. The whole night when I thought you were out doing things for me, finally. You were just sleeping. You told me that you were coming home, you told me that you were going to pack your stuff. I trusted you. Truth is, you were again just putting thoughts in my mind, you were again just there doing nothing, hoping that I'd change my mind on the things that you want to do. In the end, you lied, you were lying on the bed instead of packing. I know you were not feeling well, but if you really had the heart to come home, wouldn't you be anywhere else but, your bed?


It is not very nice of me to force you like that, in a way. I know you're halfway trying to finish up your things. I might not be happy if you told me that, you know that. Instead, you chose to lie to me this time like you always have, you manipulate your way out. Because you know that I care, you used that to your advantage. You tell me one thing, and you do another. I guess this time again, I hoped that you would finally do something for me, just for me. Just this time, you would put down your own things and give in.


          I was wrong

It was never the last chance,

I could never not want you.

But it is time.

Time I learn to let go.

Time I be stern with myself.

Do You?

You know how when your phone rings and your heart starts to pump harder, and you wish that whatever it is, it is from 'that person'? 


     That's the beginning of every relationship.


What about when you're already in the relationship for some time? Does your heart still pump as hard whenever your phone rings? Do you still stare at your phone, hoping that it'd ring? Do you still open up your inbox and stare at it, impatiently wait for the new message to come in just so you can read it immediately? Or, do you still look at the same message again and again?


Let's not talk about the time when you're in a middle of an important discussion or an argument, let's just say, the daily chit-chats. It doesn't matter what it is, when you constantly still do all the above (previous paragraph), you know that same feeling you felt from the beginning of the relationship has never been changed.


  Normally, people don't do it anymore. They get used to each other.
     Somehow, they think that it's okay and that it'll still be okay to reply later/call back later.
          Somehow, they think the other person wouldn't mind and that, it is 'No Big Deal'.


The word, 'Busy' is often used. People assume their significant others should understand. Hence, by the end of the day, they's still be right where they are, just waiting with a big smile on their faces. Or not, they'd still forgive and let it go.


        Is that true?


Sometimes all these little facts actually show how someone in a relationship 'walk'. It shows how important you take your partner, or how less and less important the person had become to you, as you both go down the 'relationship lane'.


Proving someone's importance doesn't only involve words and visible actions. The tiniest things count, whether if it's the invisible actions through decisions, plans, behaviors, etc, or it could simply just be the time you make and give, out of your fully packed schedule. Sometimes, even sacrifices. 


Some things bring bad consequences, knowing it but you do it anyway, based on your own heart, even the worst consequences wouldn't make you feel bad at all. Instead, you feel good about yourself, because in the end, you get to walk home and fall into the arms of the person you love. The most important person in your life, is still there with you. 


    If having that person means everything in the world, then the rest are merely anything.


    Regrets, Guilts, Embarrassments...
       They're going to be like an army of ants,
           They're strong and they bite.


But look beside you, the one you're holding. The one that might be the only weapon you need, all the support that you want, all the strength that you need. 


      Together, an army of ants is merely just, an army of ants.

If someone is important to you,

take him/her seriously.

Nothing crushes more than making someone feel foolish.

Nothing brings back the faith someone once had in Love.

Nothing mends a broken heart once it is severely broken.  

AwayFromLove Day#5

Oh why am I still counting? Well, because this is the count of victory!! I actually bathed and get dressed up and go out! It felt good, sooo good! You know how you always say that I don't care? This has got to show you that I do?! Doesn't it? 


I lost the heart to actually do anything, I did nothing the past few days. Now it just feels like all of it was a big waste of time, but it shows you how much I do care! So it actually still worth something! =D All that sitting around, sleeping, napping, doing nothing at all, etc. Oh ya, do you know how much I've eaten the past few days?! You wouldn't believe it! Just think of this, a bowl of noodles and dessert/cupcakes at 3 in the morning!! What's worse is that, I didn't do that just for a night!! You ought to give me back some love, you owe me that much!!


       ____ . Last few days were bit of a hell, but I did learn something =)

My happy face is back, you know why.

I know that because I was asked for ID when I bought my liquor earlier.

           See you tonight, Love!
                                              

    TONIGHT . . . (`/♥ , ♥) . . . TONIGHT 

Only you,

Bee.

AwayFromLove Night#4

You know how I would always ask you if you know how awesome you are, when you do something? Tonight it's another one of it, you don't have to answer that question, let me tell you! 


You're AWESOME!! I was just thinking real hard about you, and there and then, you called. You were so sweet, how could I resist? Not that I have the need to, but how could I resist telling the world how awesome you actually are sometimes?! Hah! Anyway, you're worth not going party for. I would have been in a dark place if I did, wouldn't I? That's not the main point though, I'm so excited right now, I don't even know how to stand straight without actually dancing around the room! 

    ___ . This is finally the one last night, also the last Night Post to the series of Night Posts that I've been continuously posting for the last few nights! I can't even begin to imagine how many people have I actually irritated, reading my everyday craziness. But who cares, this marks the end of their miseries! Haha! Also MINE, of course!!! Trust me, this is the part where I really want to shout "(*@^#%@OMG$IB@^%$#)" out of overflown excitement.

Today, during an afternoon nap,

I had a pretty weird yet full of adventure kind of dream.

I don't remember most of it, but at one part,

I was in the sea where there were sharks & other kinds of dangerous big fishes!

All sorts of 'adventures' that kept my heart pumping fast.

I could barely breathe, honestly!

I woke up feeling very uncomfortable, urgh!

Well there's a reason for that actually.

Will tell you tomorrow when you're home!

Remember I told you I was going to sleep till Sunday comes?

I've been sleeping alot, like hell lot. It was crazy.

Well, tonight is no exception.

    ___ . I just know that I'm going to wake up tomorrow with a big big smile on my face, saying "IT IS SUNDAY!" and maybe sing a song about how great Sunday is =) 

                                    Till then, Goodnight Love ♥

Only you,

Bee.

AwayFromLove Day#4

Am I crazy to keep thinking bout our dream vacations that we'll be taking soon? It's too hard not to get so excited about it! Thinking bout it gets me high and up, just can't get it off me!! It's not going to be those fancy vacations that most people dream of, at least not now, but we both know how amazing it's going to be no matter what, don't we!? I'm talking to myself everyday now, it might seem insane since I've been locking myself at home for days. You not being around just feels so empty, it's like I've been waking up without my heart. 


      __ the wait is going to be over soon!!

The heart must have flown away somewhere.

Nevertheless, the mind is still here.

A mind that never stops thinking about you.

♥

Only you,

Bee. 

AwayFromLove Night#3

If you're looking at the time, yes it is almost 5, not in the evening but at dawn. I still can't sleep if you're going to give me a lecture, you know the reason why. Anyway, everyday now I see these two friends of mine on Facebook, they're a couple and one of them left to a place far away. They just talk about things on Facebook, I think it's sweet, yet I find it very interesting, in a weird funny way. Seeing how other people are going through the same thing as I am, makes me feel like I'm not alone. It became somewhat a drama I follow everyday, as I get it, I get what's going on with them. I feel for them! I don't think my situation is any better but at least I get to feel happy after thinking for awhile. As in two days time, you're coming home, I just need to be good and stay patient. Very patient. You know, I was about to go crazy earlier, I was that close to buying that plane ticket to go down there to surprise you! I couldn't control myself, furthermore, who could resist DisneyLand?! In addition, those Disney characters always have a special kind of effect on people, they're magical! Won't you agree? I can't wait to hear all your stories.


        Two more days.

I really am feeling like a princess.

You always treat me like one.

Come home quick, your princess misses you.

Only you,

Bee.

AwayFromLove Day#3

Love that my one angry emoticon make you weird and sad all at once. Very sweet of you to care so much. It was just an emoticon, it has been a crazy few days. 


   ___  Haven't stopped missing you
    
Our songs just keep playing on the radio. Normally at this time, we'd be listening to it together, no matter where we are. We'd turn that radio on, sit there like we're next to each other & just listen to it. It is amazing tonight how every one of our songs are playing one after another, you know how excited I get every time I hear our songs! I turned to my phone, then I remembered =( When the song 'You Raise Me Up' was on, I remember how you'd sing along every time (and of course that hand gesture. HAHA). I'd always act like it's a torture, but I love it, secretly. Now you know the truth, you're still supposed to act like you've never heard of it kayy. It's not an option by the way =) I miss listening to your singing.

Tell me that you're proud of me!

It's day three!

Only you,

Bee. 

AwayFromLove Night#2

It really isn't easy missing you like that, I haven't stopped thinking about you for even a second. We're both so excited that you're coming home in a few days time. Someone actually asked why I'm not happy that you're away, that I'm actually having my freedom while you're having your own fun walking around the city of buildings. Well, honestly.. I feel so attached to you that I can't bear being away from you. It's funny how I'm feeling this way, it's pretty new. 


I'm going to try to sleep, when I wake up, it will be closer to when all of this end. If you ask me, I really am excited! Hah.


    I just can't stop thinking how life's going to be so much more fulfilling in a few months time.

If I knew how depressing these few days would be,

I would have followed you, I would have been by your side.

Sorry I turned you down though, heh.

No next time =)

Goodnight, you.

♥

Only You,

Bee.

AwayFromLove Day#2

It was 4a.m. and I forced myself to bed, body screaming out of exhaustion, it was the mind who wouldn't listen. As I was lying there, the mind was filled with so many things, so much to say, only nowhere to spill. I went in my dreams, carrying a thousand words, slowly letting it create it's own scene followed by it's own imagination. I knew the sun was up, even though I refused to open my eyes, I was partially awake. All of that but I didn't want to wake up, I would have spent my entire day in bed if I could. 

A call from you woke me up, it made sure that I wasn't wrong. The sun is up indeed, behind those curtains is another world where there are busy people everywhere, doing their own things, racing against time. You reminded me of that, telling me that I shouldn't be doing what I was doing. Maybe I was dreaming, maybe I was exhausted, or maybe I just didn't want to listen, I mumbled a little and headed right back into dreamland. 

The afternoon has arrived, I heard my clock ticked, it was 2p.m. I felt like I couldn't force myself to continue sleeping any longer, I'd always get bad dreams if I do. Reluctantly, I dragged myself out of bed, sat myself down in front of the computer and watched National Geographic. It was the episode about the 2011 incidents in Japan. For the whole one hour, I was quiet and tears just kept flowing down my cheeks. 


             Come home soon.

My best friend wanted to slap me for behaving like this.

It's not the end of the world I know, but everything I do reminds me of you.

Only you,

Bee.

AwayFromLove Night#1

1.30a.m. 
Today I've been sitting here in front of the computer all day, watching movies and tv shows, it's like torturing my eyes and body as they're shaking their heads (if they actually have heads) saying "NO NO NO, PLEASE, NO MORE." I just drowned myself, trying to make myself forget the fact that I'm actually waiting for you. I don't even know why am I behaving like that! Anyway earlier, you called and asked which angry bird do I like, I then switched to the game, my eyes are going to pop any time soon now. As always, those little bastards piss me off. I turned it off and looked at the clock. There I was, sitting in front of my computer, staring into the black screen. I guess I'm not used to it yet, I don't feel like it's 1o'clock in the middle of the night, it feels like there's something I haven't done and it's keeping me up! This is very unusual for me, normally you'd be around, you'd be asking if I'm sleepy and if not, you'd be singing me songs, reading me stories, playing classical jazz music or piano music. You'd also hear me whine, complain, or we'd just pillow talk and fall asleep together.


Tonight, I just might have to go to bed alone like a grown up, don't I? Well, even so, I know you're out there somewhere singing me the songs I like, reading me those fake fairy tales, and telling me that I'll be okay. A kiss on the forehead, greeting me goodnight, telling me not to worry because you'll be coming home very soon.

        . _____ I know.

This is the end of day one.

Yes, I'm counting! How can I not! 

I'm really missing you.

Only you,

Bee.

AwayFromLove Day#1

It's 7.13p.m. and I just woke up. Normally at this time, you'll be calling me, telling me that you're coming back from work. It's so quiet today, no phone calls no messages, nothing at all. I went to sleep knowing that you're up flying in the sky, somewhere above the sea, nowhere to be contacted. Before I slept, I tried to project myself to be where you are, wherever you are, I wished I could sit right next to you. It was all good till when I finally fell asleep, I had a dream. The dream started to get pretty scary and I couldn't stop it. I was all alone in that dream and I just kept running, hoping to find you, hoping that you'd save me. The more I slept, the more unbearable I felt, I couldn't breathe. Yet, I didn't want to wake up because I knew I'd still be alone and I'd hear nothing from you. As I continued, I kept on running and running, into the woods and away from the people who I thought I knew but they were some kind of fake. Very scary. Then you know what? At 7p.m. in that dream, I received a call from you telling me that you're coming to get me. I felt instant relief and ran towards HOME.

I feel like I'm all alone without you, even though it has only just been a few hours, it's enough to ruin me.

I don't know for how many more hours I can take it, I know I promised, I'll try.

Please come home soon?

I know that I don't normally post blogs like that,

but I really needed to say something.

You're always the one who I'd call and tell when I have a bad dream.

Because of you, I wasn't scared.

And now, 

Because of you, I am.

Only you,

Bee.